By Alice C. McCain
It is hard to escape daily news of disrespect and violence aimed at people some consider “Other.” If you have been moved and saddened by hateful actions towards people based on their nationality, race, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation or disability, you are not alone.
In my own experiences and affiliations as a White person, such as in peacemaking circles, I believe that most of us care and want to respond, but we can feel unsure of what to do. Marching, carrying signs, voting, and posting on social media have their place. Organizing educational events can have their good effect also. But how can we further build bridges of empathy, understanding and action?
In a Prepare.com March 29, 2021 blogpost titled “We need to love and support each other in between assassinations,” five steps are laid out. The author begins by asking that we reach out to affected people not only in times of crisis, but as part of healthy relationships. Do read the article yourself to see what she said. What is shared below after the steps are my own reaction.
Start with “#1 Believe them” My Chinese-American friend laments that when she shares with others her legitimate fear of physical and emotional violence, some White people make comments such as “Every new group had to face discrimination when they came to the U.S., including my Caucasian family. That’s just how it is, unfortunately.” This just furthers my friend’s sense of isolation and being discounted. As the adoptive mother of a Vietnamese daughter, I’m still learning myself what makes the Asian American experience of racism unique.
#2 “Do your own work” It is tempting to ask marginalized people to share their experiences to help us understand what they are going through, but this can re-traumatize them. It can lead to feelings of having to explain their experiences or justify their pain. There is a wealth of books, classes, and articles we can study. Doing this work includes doing “the deep internal search” to realize our own beliefs, but it doesn’t stop there. When we find examples where white supremacy exists in any area of our lives, we need to work to upend them. We may be surprised by all the ways we benefit because of our skin color.
#3 “Learn people’s stories” Appreciate that all people have unique experiences that are as valid as yours. Listen with your heart–“radical listening.” Once you have heard the stories, “sit with them” and relate them to your own experiences. When you are in a group that includes historically marginalized people, step back and let them lead. But don’t expect them always to do the heavy lifting. Work together, letting God’s spiritual gifts emerge from everyone.
#4 “See people’s full identity” Do not downplay the importance of someone’s self-identity. For example, if you say “I don’t see color,” you are de-legitimizing an important part of who they are. Embrace their full humanity.
#5 “Be willing to be uncomfortable” Ask questions. Listen. Apologize if you are wrong. Do better next time.
I plan to use these steps to make changes in my life. I want to be a better ally always, not just in times of crisis.
Some resources for racial healing:
https://healourcommunities.org/day-of-racial-healing/
“The National Day of Racial Healing is a time for contemplation and collective action on #HowWeHeal from the effects of racism. Launched on Jan. 17, 2017, it is an opportunity to bring ALL people together in their common humanity and inspire collective action to create a more just and equitable world.”